I have experienced nothingness.

I Have Experienced Nothingness.

This is an old Zen story.  A disciple of Zen master Bokuju bring again and again his new experiences to him, that he had experienced energy rising in his spine. And Bokuju said, ”Get out of here! Don’t bring such nonsense to me! You are not it. You are the watcher who watched the energy rising. So don’t get identified with it, otherwise it is again a new identification, a new ego: the birth of a new ego, a spiritual ego, which is far more dangerous than ordinary egos.”  And he was beaten badly.

Then he came one day and said, ”You are right. Now I am seeing great light. I am full of light, all is light!” He was beaten again and he was told, ”You are not light either, you are the watcher. Who is seeing the light? You are the seer.”

And it went on this way again and again for years. After ten years he came really happy, fell at the feet of the Master and said, ”Now you will be happy with me, no need to beat. I have experienced nothingness!”

And this time the Master was so angry! He threw him physically out of the window, of a two-story house. He fell on a rock, and the Master looked from the window and said, ”How are you feeling now?”

And the hit was so hard that it really brought him to his senses! He started laughing. Lying down there on the rock he started laughing. The Master also jumped from the window, embraced the disciple and told him, ”Now I am happy, really happy!”
The other disciples asked, ”What has transpired? It is so mysterious!” Bokuju said, ”To say,’I have experienced nothingness,’ is wrong because then you have made an object of nothingness. Nothingness has again become your affirmation, a thought, a content. You have to get rid of nothingness too! When he laughed, then, in his laughter, I could see nothingness.
There was nobody who was laughing, there was simply laughter, no claim, no claimer, just simple laughter, pure laughter. There was nobody who was laughing.” And that very moment the Master felt connected with the disciple for the first time. Otherwise, all those experiences were creating barriers.